By Mom, Going To the Library To Look At Porn!

Posted on May 13, 2011 by Justin Biebber

Man, I love the library! Or, as you illiterate folks say, the liebarry. But I think some people in NY might love it too much.

That’s because people look at porn on the library’s computers. It’s supposed to be part of the first amendment or whatever, but it seems kinda gross to be watching it in the presence of strangers. And it seems actually wrong for grown men to be looking at it with kids around. Is nobody self-conscious anymore?

Obviously, a lot of kids are checking that out, but a bunch of 13 year olds snickering over some breasts is different than some 54 year old dude sitting next to a minor. Now one dude is threatening to pull library funding, which is some of the dumbest stuff I’ve ever heard. That’s like shutting down a highway because people have car accidents or closing restaurants because some people get fat. Gimme a break.

We are talking about New York City…they’ve seen worse on the subway on the way to school.

Posted in Stupid Stuff | Tagged , , , , ,

Leave a comment

Mean Old Ladies in the Motor City

Posted on May 11, 2011 by Justin Biebber

I like Detroit. I really do. It gets a lot of bad ink, but it’s a good town, with some good folks.

But.

Detroit is a city of hustlers. Even Detroiters will admit that. So it should be no surprise that this story took place in the D. A ring of old ladies in hats, who are being called “the Mad Hatters” by the police, have been pickpocketing and stealing from people all across the state of Michigan.  These aren’t penny ante thieves, either: these women have stolen an estimated $500,000. One of the women appears to be in her seventies, according to one of the victims. No one suspected that these women would be cold hearted crooks.

It’s so cold in the D…even the little old ladies are thuggin!

IMPULSE SHOP:

Posted in Stupid Stuff |

Leave a comment

Is Robin Quivers Leaving the Howard Stern Show?

Posted on May 10, 2011 by Justin Biebber

Howard Stern will say pretty much anything, at anytime, about anyone. That’s one of the things his fans love most about him: his no-holds-barred, in-your-face, irreverent style. There’s one possible exception, though: he probably won’t say anything about Robin Quivers, who is rumored to be leaving the show after 30 years. Not only do they seem to have mutual respect for each other, but Robin probably knows where the bodies are buried.

First of all, Robin and Howard deserve credit for doing something that almost nobody in showbiz does anymore: staying together. 30 years is longer than the majority of marriages, much less business relationships, and especially Hollywood relationships.

Robin dishes details in an interview at radaronline.com. She’s thinking about having a talk show in which she discusses topics that matter to her that she believes no one else is addressing. What might the commentary be like–especially on network television where things are a bit more, ahem, restrained. But what I’m most curious about is the fact that Robin has always played the straight man in the Stern-Quivers tandem. Can she be interesting and entertaining without Howard? Would you watch? Well, she’s probably not leaving, as she states in this Youtube video, but we’ll see….

IMPULSE SHOP:

Posted in Pop Culture | Tagged , , , , , , ,

Leave a comment

Would You Like Fries With Your Super Value Wedding?

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Justin Biebber

With all the hullabaloo with the William and Kate royal wedding, there’s another royal wedding that somehow flew under the radar. It happened just a few hours after the big soiree in Westminster Abbey. It took place in a castle and everything.

White Castle, that is.

Marquisa Benford, age 34, married Donahvan Gray, 21, at a White Castle. In Detroit. And the wedding was officiated by a radio station DJ named “Puddin.” I cannot make this up. This is actually kind of awesome, because I know that these people did not let the wedding break the bank. Let me find out that Donavhan got the rings from a gumball machine or a Cracker Jack box, and it would be the type of wedding so frugal it would make Scrooge McDuck proud.

Oh, and don’t worry about name cards or dollars per head or what table you’re sitting at. The reception was all White Castle food.

But what really strikes me about this couple is their humility. Even on their wedding day, they didn’t forget about the little people, and congratulated William and Kate. William and Kate haven’t responded. But what do you expect? They’re not from Detroit, so they don’t know how to act.

CLICK HERE to see the wedding picture photo gallery. I must say, Donavhan’s ensemble was far less hood than Prince William’s bright red jacket.

IMPULSE SHOP:

Posted in Stupid Stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Leave a comment

Officer, These Gentleman Stole My Weed

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Justin Biebber

Sometimes, you just gotta chock it up and take it as a loss.

One such is example is when you are the victim of a crime while you are committing a crime. I’d like to let you know that drug dealers are, generally speaking, not the most reputable characters and are known to do unscrupulous things. Entire movies, like Scarface, American Gangster, New Jack City, and Sugar Hill have been dedicated to showing how things can go really, really bad around drug and drug dealers. People get killed, girlfriends get tied up, fingers get chopped off and sent in the mail. And if you’re in Mexico, that’s just Tuesday. So perhaps a man who was robbed at gunpoint from the guys he was trying to buy drugs from shouldn’t have called the police to report the robbery.

He called the police about 12 hours after recognizing the car on the street. According to the Boston Herald:

“Police say the three are accused of stealing a cell phone, $35 in cash and $40 worth of drugs. It wasn’t immediately clear who the drugs were allegedly stolen from.”

See, kids, crack is wack. How high do you have to be to go to buy drugs and end up getting robbed…for drugs? And how high do you have to be to call the cops afterward?

Oh, and the cops have a lot of REAL cases to worry about…how much effort would you expect them to put into recovering a cell phone and $35 for a dude who was buying drugs?

IMPULSE SHOP:

Posted in Stupid Stuff | Tagged , , , , , ,

Leave a comment